Dealing with a narcissist in any relationship can be an emotionally exhausting experience. Their insatiable need for admiration and lack of empathy often leads them to manipulate and control those around them. While the concept of the narcissist's discard phase is well-known, there is another side to this toxic dynamic: the reverse discard. In this blog post, we will explore the concept of narcissists' reverse discard, shedding light on their cunning tactics and providing guidance on how to recognize and break free from this destructive cycle.
Understanding the Narcissist's Discard Phase
In a typical narcissistic relationship cycle, the discard phase occurs when the narcissist decides that their current source of supply no longer serves their needs. They devalue and discard their partner, often leaving the victim feeling confused, hurt, and abandoned. However, the reverse discard is a slightly different twist on this dynamic.
The Reverse Discard: Manipulation in Disguise
Unlike the traditional discard, the reverse discard is a calculated move by the narcissist to retain control over their victim. Rather than severing ties completely, the narcissist engages in a cycle of intermittent reinforcement, oscillating between moments of closeness and withdrawal. This creates a psychological dependency within the victim, making it incredibly challenging to break free from the toxic relationship.
Tactics Employed by the Narcissist
Hoovering: The narcissist employs hoovering as a tactic to suck their victim back into the relationship. They may use various techniques, such as sending nostalgic messages, expressing false remorse, or showering the victim with attention and affection. These actions are aimed at re-establishing control and exploiting the victim's vulnerabilities.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulation technique commonly used by narcissists. They distort reality, manipulate facts, and make the victim doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. During the reverse discard, the narcissist may use gaslighting to convince the victim that they were mistaken about the initial discard or that they were responsible for the problems in the relationship.
Future Faking: Another tactic employed during the reverse discard is future faking. The narcissist may make promises of change, personal growth, and a better future together. They offer false hope to keep the victim hooked, only to revert to their manipulative behavior once the victim is back under their control.
Breaking Free from the Reverse Discard
1. Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic personality disorder and the tactics used by narcissists is crucial in breaking free from their control. Research and educate yourself on narcissism to gain clarity and perspective on your situation.
2. Establish Boundaries: Set clear boundaries and communicate your expectations with the narcissist. Be prepared for pushback and attempts to undermine your boundaries, but remain firm in your resolve.
3. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout your journey. Sharing your experiences with those who understand can help validate your feelings and strengthen your resolve to break free.
4. No Contact or Limited Contact: Depending on your situation, consider implementing no contact or limited contact with the narcissist. This helps to minimize their ability to manipulate and control you, allowing you to focus on your healing and recovery.
5. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy, peace, and personal growth. Surround yourself with positive influences and pursue your passions to rebuild your self-esteem and regain your independence.
Recognizing the narcissist's reverse discard is crucial in breaking free from their manipulative grip. By understanding their tactics, setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing self-care, you can regain control over your life and embark on a journey of healing and personal growth. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and nurturing relationship that values your worth.
If you're in the midst of an emotionally draining breakup and you sense that you're being manipulated and dragged back into contact with a toxic person who is being unclear about whether or not they even want to be in a relationship with you or breakup, then we invite you to consider our virtual relationship coaching services. We also offer a one-time 45-minute FREE Discovery Call for anyone interested in our services who is not yet an existing Client of ours.